DATING VIOLENCE
WHAT YOU CAN DO
If you're in a dating relationship that in any way feels uncomfortable, awkward, tense, or even frightening, trust your feelings and get out of it. The relationship could become, or may already be, abusive.
Always remember: You have every right to say no. No boyfriend or girlfriend has the right to tell you what you can or should do, what you can or should wear, or what kind of friends you can or should have.
If you are in a violent, or potentially violent, relationship, take the following steps.
If you stay in an abusive relationship, realize that the violence will not just stop or go away. You cannot change your boyfriend or girlfriend's behavior by changing your behavior, and you are not in any way responsible for the abuse. Your boyfriend or girlfriend may need counseling or other outside help to change, and you may need support so that you can begin to heal.
Be on the lookout for friends who may be in violent dating situations or relationships.
Friends in abusive relationships may also exhibit warning signs.
If you suspect a friend is in a violent relationship, you might try to find out for sure by saying something like, "You don't seem as happy as usual," or asking in general terms, "Is there anything you want to talk about?" This non-confrontational and indirect approach may prompt your friend to reveal what's wrong. Listen without judging or condemning or giving unwanted advice. If a friend wants help, suggest that he or she take the steps listed above to be safe and find help.
If you believe your friend is in serious danger, immediately talk with an adult you trust about your friend's situation so that you aren't carrying the burden by yourself. Do not try to rescue your friend or be a hero and handle the situation on your own.
If you feel you are not in danger, talk to the person about his or her use of violence, and make sure the person understands that the violence is both wrong and illegal. If the person is ready to make a change, help him or her get help.
No matter what another person does to provoke you, no matter how justified you feel, no matter what your friends and family members do, it is never okay to harm someone else. Remember that physical and sexual violence are illegal and can land you in jail.
You can learn new ways to deal with your anger, to fight fair, to communicate, and to give and get love in relationships. Don't let shame or fear stop you - talk to a parent, teacher, religious leader, doctor, nurse, and/or guidance counselor immediately. You also can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE, and they can direct you to individuals and groups in your community who can help you make a change.
Counsel peers, staff a hotline, or speak to classes about the signs of an abusive relationship and where to find help. Encourage members of your church, personnel in your school, and others in your community to develop programs to educate teens about dating violence, and work to ensure that there are resources for teens in your community who are being abused.
SECTION 1: HOW ARE YOU BEING TREATED?
1. Does your partner call you degrading names, embarrass you in front of others, or make you feel inadequate?
Yes ___ No ___
2. Do you feel pressured to engage in physical contact or
sexual activity?
Yes___ No ___
3. Does the person you're dating have violent mood swings? Is he/she really nice sometimes and really mean at other times?
Yes ___ No ___
4. If you and your partner disagree about something, are you always blamed for the argument?
Yes ___ No ___
5. Are you accused of making too big of a deal about certain things?
Yes ___ No ___
6. Does the person you're dating check your cell phone, pager, or e-mail to see whom you've been in contact with?
Yes ___ No ___
7. Does your partner demand to know your whereabouts at all times?
Yes ___ No ___
8. Does your partner keep you from spending time with your friends and family?
Yes ___ No ___
9. Does your boyfriend/girlfriend promise to change his/her behavior but never changes?
Yes ___ No ___
10. Are you afraid or scared of your partner?
Yes ___ No ___
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you may be in an abusive relationship. Seek advice from a trusted adult, such as a parent, counselor, religious leader, or teacher. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE.
SECTION 2: HOW ARE YOU TREATING YOUR PARTNER?
1. Are you often jealous if your partner spends time with his/her friends and family?
Yes ___ No ___
2. Do you believe one sex is superior to the other?
Yes ___ No ___
3. Do you make excuses to your partner for your actions and reactions, especially if you hurt others?
Yes ___ No ___
4. Have you ever grabbed, pushed, slapped, or hit your partner?
Yes ___ No ___
5. Have you ever intimidated your partner on purpose (for example, by blocking the door so he/she can't leave)?
Yes ___ No ___
6. Do you give the person you're dating ultimatums by making him/her choose between you and other things in his/her life?
Yes ___ No ___
7. Do you constantly ask your boyfriend/girlfriend about his/her
whereabouts?
Yes ___ No ___
8. Do you take your anger out on your partner?
Yes ___ No ___
9. Do you ever threaten your partner?
Yes ___ No ___
10. Have you ever pressured your partner into physical contact or sex?
Yes ___ No ___
If you answered yes to any of the questions in Section 2, you may be abusing your partner. Seek help from a trusted adult, such as a parent, coach, teacher, or counselor. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE.
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